You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
