This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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