Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
