I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
