i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
