Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
