Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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