he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and she was petting her beer can
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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