so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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