toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
