fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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