More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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