Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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