is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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