have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
