for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
