I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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