I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
