I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
