Please, let me fuck your mom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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