All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
