you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
