You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
