i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
