What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
