I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
