he wants to bone in the snuggie
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
