I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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