party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
