I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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