This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
