im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
