i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
