You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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