If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
