I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
