Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize