Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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