maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
