Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
