Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize