Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
