The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
