I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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