I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
