xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize