I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize