He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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