At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
