how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
