i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
