There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
