dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
