Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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