If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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