Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
