So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
