Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
