Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
