your thong is hanging out like whoa
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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