I wish my penis had an off switch
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
