You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
