butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
