Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
