where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
