went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
