I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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