Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
