Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
