Ambien. No doubt about it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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