The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize