So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
