Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize