think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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