East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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