I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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