I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
