i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
