she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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