I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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