you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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