Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
