first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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