I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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