i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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