Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
