so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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