I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
