ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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