She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
