You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
