At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
