he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
