At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
