So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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