ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
