I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize