yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
