wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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