shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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