hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
