New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
